6. The Guest List Dilemma: How to Cut Your Guest List Without Causing a Family Feud

You’ve set your date, nailed your budget, and chosen your dream venue… and now—bam!—you hit the wall that stops most couples cold: the guest list.

You want everyone there, but your venue holds 120, and your list looks more like 200. And somehow your mum’s hairdresser and your second cousin’s new boyfriend have made the cut. So how do you trim that list without starting a family feud?

I'm Leeann Cook, Melbourne celebrant and all-round wedding planning wing-woman. My job is to help couples plan weddings that feel relaxed, meaningful, and drama-free. Today, I’m sharing my four-step strategy to help you create a guest list that’s fair, logical, and keeps the peace—no tears, no tantrums, just clarity and calm.

Step 1: Establish Your Three Rings of Intimacy

Start by thinking of your guest list like a target with three concentric rings. Every person you know must fit into one of these categories:

  • Ring 1 – The Inner Circle: Your must-have people: immediate family and best friends. You talk to them weekly or monthly. They’re your guaranteed invites.

  • Ring 2 – The Middle Ring: Your close friends and extended family—people you genuinely connect with and want there, but maybe don't see all the time.

  • Ring 3 – The Outer Ring: Work colleagues, distant relatives, or those “we should probably invite them” people.

The Rule: Everyone in Ring 1 gets invited, no questions asked. Ring 3 is your cutting zone—this is where the trimming happens.

Step 2: Apply the Unemotional Cut-Off Rules

When your list still runs long, emotion has to take a back seat. Here are the cut-off rules that make trimming logical, not personal:

  1. The One-Year Rule: If you haven’t spoken in person, on the phone, or in a meaningful way in the past year (and no, a Facebook “like” doesn’t count)—they move to the “no” pile.

  2. The Parent Rule: If you wouldn’t feel comfortable leaving your parents alone in a room with them, they’re probably not close enough for your wedding.

  3. The Plus-One Rule: Only offer plus-ones to guests who are married, engaged, or in long-term, live-in relationships. New relationships or single guests don’t automatically get one.

  4. The Coworker Rule: Invite either your whole direct team or none at all. Picking just a couple can get messy—so make it an all-or-nothing policy.

These rules remove guilt and make it easy to explain your decisions if anyone asks.

Step 3: Handle the Sensitive Topics

Two big pain points require a clear policy: kids and extended family.

  • The “No Kids” Rule: If you’re going child-free, apply the rule to everyone equally. Use wording like:

    “As much as we love your little ones, we’re limited by our venue capacity and have opted for an adults-only celebration so everyone can relax and enjoy the night.” Keep the tone warm but firm—and address invitations directly to the adults only.

  • The Extended Family Rule (The Aunt and Uncle Line): If your family tree could fill a football field, draw a clear line. Invite immediate family, aunts, uncles, and first cousins—and stop there. That way, it’s clean, consistent, and defensible.

Step 4: The Final Strategy – The A & B List (If You’re Desperate)

If you’re still over capacity, this is your final graceful solution:

  • The A-List: Your top-priority guests (everyone in Rings 1 and 2).

  • The B-List: Guests you’d love to include if space allows (mostly from Ring 3).

Send invitations to your A-List first. Once you receive some “Regrets,” you can send invitations to your B-List.

Golden rule: Send the B-List invites early enough—at least 4–6 weeks before the RSVP deadline—so no one feels like an afterthought.

Your Planning Motto: Never Apologise for Your Rules

Here’s your motto: Never apologise for a boundary that respects your budget or your venue.

Your wedding day is about the people who love and support you—not about pleasing everyone. Set your rules early, apply them consistently, and stand by them with kindness. Trust me, clarity is the best gift you can give yourself and your family during this process.

If this helped you feel more confident about tackling your guest list, grab your free wedding budget planner over at leeanncook.com/weddingplanner—because your guest list and your budget are best friends.

Until next time—plan with heart, not with guilt.

Leeann Cook

Melbourne Civil Celebrant / Online Wedding Planner

Get in touch.

Member of the Australian Federation of Civil Celebrants (AFCC)