15. How to Write Wedding Vows | Melbourne Celebrant Vow Writing Tips

Let’s talk about the part of the wedding that usually gets left until 2:00 AM the night before: The Vows.

I get it. Putting your entire heart onto a piece of paper is terrifying! Most people procrastinate because of the dreaded "writer’s block," or they’re worried about being "too much" or—worst of all—being boring.

I’m Leeann Cook, your Melbourne Civil Celebrant, and I’ve heard hundreds of vows. Today, I’m giving you the "Secret Sauce" to writing vows that are emotional, meaningful, and perfectly timed. Let's make sure your partner is reaching for the tissues (the good kind!) and your guests are hanging on every word.

1. The Three-Step Vow Formula

If you’re staring at a blank page, stop. You don't need to be Shakespeare; you just need a framework. Here is my tried-and-true formula for vows that flow:

• Step 1: The "Why" — Start with what you actually love about them. Is it their resilience? The way they make you feel safe? Their weirdly specific knowledge of 90s pop culture? Start with the heart.

• Step 2: The "Micro-Moment" — This is the secret ingredient. Don't just say "you're kind." Share a short, specific memory. Say, "I knew I wanted to marry you the night you stayed up until 3:00 AM helping me finish that project," or "I love the way you always save the last bite of pizza for me." Specificity is where the emotion lives!

• Step 3: The Promises — Finish with 3 to 5 concrete promises for the future. Mix the serious with the lighthearted—it keeps the vibe real. "I promise to always tell you if there’s kale in your teeth" is just as romantic as "I promise to stand by your side."

2. The Goldilocks Zone: Timing & Length

When you write wedding vows, you want to aim for the "Goldilocks Zone": 1 to 2 minutes when read aloud at a normal pace.

Why? Because any longer and the impact starts to fade; guests start wondering when the champagne is being served. Any shorter than a minute and it can feel rushed, like a drive-thru ceremony.

Read them out loud to a timer before the big day. We tend to read faster when we’re nervous, so if you’re hitting 90 seconds in your living room, you’re probably perfect for the altar!

3. The "Secret" Factor & The Phone Ban

Keeping your vows a secret until the ceremony makes that moment at the altar so much more powerful. However, you don't want one person writing a 10-page novel while the other has three bullet points on a Post-it note.

That is where I come in. As your Melbourne Marriage Celebrant, I act as your "Vow Referee." You can send your drafts to me separately, and I’ll ensure they are similar in length and tone so the ceremony feels balanced.

Ditch the iPhone Please... no phones at the altar. Screens go dark, notifications from your Great Aunt pop up, and let’s be honest—they look terrible in your professional photos. Print them on a nice card or write them in a beautiful vow book.

Don't worry about losing them. I always keep a backup printed copy of your vows in my folder just in case you drop yours in the excitement!

Your vows are the only part of the day that actually makes you married. Everything else is just a party. Take the time, keep it real, and speak from the heart.

Happy writing, and I'll see you at the altar!

Leeann Cook

Melbourne Civil Celebrant / Online Wedding Planner

Get in touch.